


You are important to me

by Lets_live_in_fiction



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Body Hatred, Depressive Thoughts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Hatred, emotional breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 18:56:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4533399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lets_live_in_fiction/pseuds/Lets_live_in_fiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reader has been feeling down for months but after a hunt gone wrong she has an emotional breakdown in the bathroom. Dean is there to take care of her and make her see what an amazing person she is, especially to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You are important to me

When you woke up this morning you felt downhearted. You hadn’t slept well and your whole body was sore. You yawned loudly stretching your arms above your head and grunted at the burn in your muscles. Slowly, you got out of your bed and put on one of Sam’s shirts that you stole a long time ago. Throwing a look at the clock before opening your door you wondered how could you have woken up so late when you felt like you haven’t slept at all. You wandered in the hallway before entering the kitchen of the bunker, slowly the smell of coffee started filling your senses.  
Dean was sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in his right hand and the newspaper in the other. Sam was in the living room, focused on his computer. They both shot their eyes at you as you walked into the kitchen.

“Hello, sleepy head !” Dean cheered with a playful smirk and you felt your heart beating faster. 

“Morning guys.” You mumbled, pouring yourself a cup of coffee before sitting next to Dean.

“So, what’s up ? “You asked, clearing your throat. 

“Not much. We’re looking for a case.” Sam responded eyes scanning his computer. You froze and put your cup of coffee on the table.

“So…so soon ? “ You stammered. You just got home to the bunker one day ago after a very difficult case. It had been a very rough hunt, you weren’t able to save a pregnant woman and the boys almost got killed because of your recklessness.

“Gotta keep busy.” Dean shrugged turning the pages of his newspaper. Sam furrowed his brows as he watched you.

“You ok, Y/N? “ He inquired in a soft tone.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You nodded avoiding his gaze but Sam knew you better because you were his best friend. Closing his laptop he walked to you before taking the chair next to you.

“You know that none of that what happened back there was your fault, right Y/N? “ He asked, his eyes full of sympathy.

“Yeah, right.” You mumbled before you stood up, taking your cup and walking to the dishwasher.

“He’s right you know.” You heard Dean add and you froze. You knew the guys were trying to cheer you up but they shouldn’t. After all, you were the one who almost got them killed, the one who messed up and had to deal with this responsibility. You could never forgive yourself for not being able to save that woman and risking the boy’s life. It was all your fault. Even the guys had to know it by now.

You felt tears appearing in the corners of your eyes and you roughly closed the dishwasher. You walked quickly through the kitchen covering your face with your hands.

“Y/N?” You heard Dean ask with worry.

“I’m just gonna…. gonna take a shower.” You responded, your voice brittle as you stormed out of the kitchen. You were passing by Sam’s room when you felt a hand grip your arm and you turned around. You were facing Dean while his eyes scanned your whole face as if he was trying to figure you out. You shifted uncomfortably under his grip, trying to hold back your tears.

“Y/N, are you alright? “ He asked, searching through your eyes as if he knew I was about to lie to him.

“Yeah, sure. I’m just gonna take a shower.” You replied with a shaky voice as he just stood there with his hand still holding your arm.

“If that’s okay with you… I mean.” You added in an attempt to sound sarcastic. He stared at you steady for what seems like hours before he abruptly walked away with a heavy sigh.

 

 

You entered the bathroom slowly, tears now falling freely down your cheeks. You removed your clothes, lost in your thoughts but you flinched when your eyes caught your naked body in the mirror. A sob escaped your lips as you stepped back and quickly entered the shower.

You hated your body, it was always painful to see it. As the hot water began pouring on your chest you thought about that damn case and how you screwed it up putting the two people you cared about the most in the world in danger. You would have never been able to forgive yourself if something extremely bad had happened to them. Sam was like your brother, your best friend, you knew him like the back of your hand and so did he. And there was Dean. He meant the world to you. It’s like you were born to love this man, you needed him around as much as you needed air. How pathetic was that ? You, loving this perfect man, when you were nothing but a big mess of weakness and ugliness. It’s not like he would ever look at you this way. For him you were just a pain in the ass little sister who always got in trouble.

Your whole body began to shake as you loudly sobbed. You tried to be more quiet, you surely didn’t want the boys to find out your current state, but nothing seemed to calm you down and you began to cry louder and louder. The hot water rolling down your body didn’t seem to help you to help you relax so you just stepped out of the shower. Your body was shaking with each sob, you were a crying mess as hiccups started to make your breathing unsteady. Positioning yourself in front of the mirror you let your eyes travel on your reflection. All you could see was that same mess of ugliness and weakness… Nothing else. You couldn’t stand it anymore and letting out a gravelly scream you threw your fist at the mirror. Million of pieces flew in the bathroom after the impact.

 

 

Sam and Dean were sitting on the couch in the living room trying to find another case. Dean kept on shifting nervously on his seat making it creak acutely.

“Dude, could you just stop? “ Sam sighed, annoyed.

“What the hell is she doing, she’s been in the bathroom for the last thirty minutes.“ He exclaimed as he stood up nervously.

“I don’t know Dean, probably girl stuff. Jeez, just give her some space.“ Sam responded exasperated.

The room fell silent for a moment as Dean and Sam tried to focus on their computers. Suddenly, a loud noise echoed around the bunker, it sounded like glass shattering. Exchanging a look they both jumped on their feet as they began to run toward the source of the noise. They tried to get in the bathroom but you had locked it.

“Y/N! Y/N, is everything alright? “ Dean cried out in panic. You didn’t answer and the only sound coming to their ears was your sobs behind the door that were keeping them away from you.

“Y/N, answer me, dammit ! “ He shouted again as he punched the door in frustration.

They stood there for a moment waiting for a response or anything that would tell them that you were okay. After a bit, the two brothers exchanged a look and nodded. Dean broke the door open with a smash of his shoulder. They rushed inside the bathroom and found you lying on the cold floor naked and crying your eyes out hysterically. The mirror was broken, million of pieces were dispersed on the floor. They both were standing a feet away from you motionless and in shock. They have never saw you crying -let alone naked- before. Dean was the first to regain his composure as he took a towel and enveloped it around your fragile and shaken body.

“Hey… Hey, Y/N, talk to me. Y/N, what happened ? Are you hurt ?“ You could feel the panic filling his voice as he squeezed your shoulders with his calloused hands trying to force a reaction from you. You didn’t answer unable to form any words with your eyes focused on Dean’s face.

“Dean, she’s bleeding hard. Her arm…” Sam said as he pointed a deep cut on your upper arm. Dean took it between his hands, gently.

“She’s gonna need stitches, we have to get her out of here. “ He said in a raspy voice, grabbing your now unconscious body bridal style, and taking you out of the bathroom.

 

 

You were sleepily shifting on the bed when a sharp pain on your arm awoke you. You felt the soft sheets of your bed under you and you sighed. Your eyes fluttered open as you sat up carefully. Looking down at your body, you realized that you were wearing one of Dean’s shirt, his smell filling your senses instantly making you more relaxed. Once your vision was no longer blurred you spotted Dean. He was sitting at the end of the mattress his hands in his hair pulling it lightly. His face looked pained, he was lost in his thoughts and he seemed to be tormenting himself. What the hell was happening ? Seeing Dean like that made your heart ache. Slowly you extended your hand to his. When you finally reached it you saw him flinch, his head snapped at you in surprise.

“Y/N” He whispered in relief.

His whole body collided with yours enveloping you in his warmth as his left hand wrapped around your waist and the other one landed in your hair. His head snuggled in your neck as he deeply breathed in your scent. You were too shocked to move even an inch, so you just froze, enjoying his warmth around your body, feeling like you were finally complete.

After a long time, you slowly parted of each other. Both of his hands cupped your face, his thumbs gently brushing your cheeks. He stared into Y/E/C, like he was searching for answers deep in your soul. You felt intimidated and lowered your eyes to the mattress. That’s when it all came back: the case, your nervous breakdown in the bathroom and…. Oh gosh, did they actually find you crying hysterically and naked? You’ll never be able to look at them in the eyes now that they knew how weak you were and how your body was flawed. What must they think of you now? Your heart began to pound harder as you felt your body getting weaker. You couldn’t look at Dean anymore now. He felt the change in your behavior and his hands fell from your cheeks.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” He asked, furrowing his brows.

You nodded slightly, avoiding his gaze. You shifted on the bed, trying to get away.

“Y/N …” He whispered with something that sounded like resignation and sadness.

You moved slowly, still avoiding his eyes and began getting up from the bed to head to the bathroom.

“I’m just gonna…. I’ll be right back.” You quickly muttered taking a few steps.

You heard him sigh loudly behind you.

“You can’t always run away, you know Y/N.” He said and you could hear the disapproval in his voice.

You didn’t reply and kept on walking when you heard a movement behind you and a hand violently grabbed yours, making you turn to face a panting Dean.

“Just talk to me, Y/N!” He shouted at you with a raspy voice. You closed your eyes shocked by his outburst. His face softened, you felt his hands on your chin and your gaze met his green eyes, which were full of concern.

“What happened? “ He whispered slowly.

Your legs began to shake and you took your lower lips between your teeth, chewing on it nervously. You lowered your eyes, feeling his gaze deeply looking into your soul. He sighed deeply, feeling that he was losing you.

“You have to let it out, you know, or it’s gonna break you from the inside.” He said as he placed a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I… I can’t.” You muttered. Dean sighed again, his hands lingering on your face as his eyes were searching through yours. He grabbed your hand gently, trying to pull you to the bed as you stood still, hesitant.

“Please, Y/N. Just come sit with me.” He breathed, his eyes pleading. Unable to resist him you slightly nodded and sat next to him on the bed. Dean gently took your wounded arm in his hands afraid to hurt you as you lowered your head. For a moment the room fell silent as he simply examined your arm making sure the bandage was staying in place. Finally, he broke the silence.

“So, um, did you try to put up a fight with the mirror?“ He said clearing his throat and faking a laugh.

“Yeah something like that.” You chuckled darkly, eyes now focused on your wounded arm. Dean nodded slightly at your words and began to gently brush your arms right above your wound.

“You know, Y/N. You can tell me everything. I’m here for you. Sammy’s here for you. You’re family. We’ll be by your side no matter what.“ He spoke, his green eyes scanning your face.

“Yeah, I know.” You responded in a wobbly voice, avoiding his gaze.

You felt his fingertips linger on your cheeks before resting on your chin, pushing it lightly. Your gaze finally met his worried eyes and you swore your heart skipped a beat when you felt the love and support radiating from him.

“Really. You can tell me anything. I’ll never judge you. I’m here for you, Y/N.” He whispered placing a strand of hair behind your ear. You began to chew your lips nervously unsure of what to do. You felt safe with Dean in this moment like you could trust him, tell him everything, finally get it out of your chest. You opened your mouth but the words were struggling to get out of your throat.

“Take your time, sweetheart. I’m here.” He whispered, caressing your cheek with his thumb, his face close to you. You felt so warm and safe under his gaze and his touch.

“It’s stupid, Dean, really.” He shook his head at your words.

“Whatever bothers you so much can’t be stupid. “

“It’s just… I’ve felt so useless these last few months. I feel like I fail everything.” You paused meeting Dean’s gaze as he furrowed his brows. He was about to open his mouth to react but you cut him off. “Just…let me finish, please.” You asked before taking a huge breath of air.

“I know it might not be true, but it’s how I feel. I feel like a failure, Dean. I wasn’t able to save this woman and I almost got you and Sammy killed. I screw up everything.” You explained in a brittle voice as you felt the tears appearing in the corners of your eyes. “And there’s my body. I can’t stand it anymore… The way I look, I just…I feel so ugly. I hate everything about it…” Your voice broke as you nervously swept away your tears with your hands.

The room fell silent, you didn’t dare to look at Dean purposefully avoiding his gaze. His whole body was static except for his balled fists. Shit, he seemed to be angry. That was it, he was angry at you for being so weak. He must have finally realized what a load of unnecessary responsibilities for himself and Sammy you were. Unable to look at him and endure this silence any longer, you sighed and stood up.

“That’s okay, Dean. I’m just gonna grab my stuff and leave. You don’t have to say anything.” You murmured turning your back to him and heading to the bathroom when you felt a hand on your wrist pulling you back. You found yourself a few inches away from Dean, one of his hands on your neck and the other on your cheek forcing you to look at him as he stared at you deeply in the eyes.

“Now you listen to me very carefully, Y/N.” He asked in a solemn tone as his hand on your neck went up to your cheek, your face now enveloped in his calloused yet tender hands.

“You are not a failure.” He paused as if he was giving you time to process what he just said. “You’re an amazing hunter. Damn, if it wasn’t for you Sammy and I would have been dead a long time ago. You saved our asses so many times.”

“But-” You protested but Dean cut you off.

“No, you let me finish now. What happened in Louisville wasn’t your fault. It’s on all of us. Sometimes we have to accept that we can’t save everybody.” He added as you opened your mouth to protest.

“Shh. I said let me finish.” He smiled softly brushing his thumb on your lips. “Sometimes bad things happen on hunts, things can get out of control and someone end up hurt or in danger. That’s what happened in Louisville, things got out of hands. And yes, Sammy and I almost ended up being food for worms, but it wasn’t the first time and it sure as hell won’t be the last. It wasn’t your fault, Y/N. It just happens. Things like that come with the hunting life. It’s a part of the job.“ He spoke softly.

He brushed your cheeks with his thumbs, eyes locked with yours. You nodded and smiled weakly before clearing your throat.

“Yeah. You’re…you’re right.” Your voice detached.

“I know you, Y/N. I can see that you’re not buying it but it’s the truth.” He exhaled as his hands fell from your face. You just stayed silent next to him, you didn’t want to lie. Dean looked frustrated, he was brushing his hair with his hand, slightly pulling it. He was making you nervous and you shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Suddenly, he stood up from the bed.

“Come with me.” He commanded extending his hand to yours. You could see the determination in his eyes while you looked at him questioningly. Hesitantly, you grabbed his hand and he led you to the bathroom.

He made you stand in front of the mirror as he positioned himself right behind you, his hands now on your shoulders.

“Look in the mirror.” He breathed in your neck as he gently placed a strand of your hair behind your ear. Your eyes met your reflection and you flinched slightly. Dean placed a finger on your chin and lifted your head to make you look at yourself another time. Your eyes focused on his hands, one was on your shoulder and the other on your waist. Somehow his hands on you made you feel warmer, calmer.

“I’ll tell you what I see, Y/N. I see an amazing, strong, and beautiful woman.” He asserted, his eyes never leaving yours in the mirror. You felt your cheeks redden. His two hands now on your waist, he pressed himself against your back. His lips were near your ear as he whispered. “You are strong and generous, and you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.” You shook your head slightly at his words and closed your eyes. You felt his lips pressing gently against your neck and you shot your eyes open.

“Dean..?” You whispered questioningly as you furrowed your brows and turned to him. He smiled slightly at your surprised face and placed a strand of your hair behind your ear, thumb lingering on your cheek.

“Y/N.” He exhaled, body diffidently shifting on his feet. “I… I can’t stand seeing you depreciate yourself like that. You are very….. important to me.” He confessed, his hand nervously scratching his neck.

Your mouth opened in surprise, his face was so close to you, his lips just a few inches from yours. You felt his gaze travel from your mouth to your eyes as your cheeks reddened and your breathing became unsteady.

Slowly, inch by inch, Dean approached your lips, giving you time to pull away. You were far too shocked and caught up in the moment to react. His lips pressed against yours, soft and hesitant, and you kissed him back tenderly. One of his hands landed on your waist, pressing you closer to him, while the other caressed your hair. You felt warm, safe, and protected enveloped by his warmth, his lips pressed to yours with love and softness. He pulled away from the kiss, eyes finding yours immediately as his hands brushed your cheeks.

“You are not alone, Y/N. I… care about you a lot and I’ll always be by your side. I’ll remind you everyday how beautiful and amazing you are, if I have to. Just please… come and talk to me or Sammy if you ever feel like that.” He pleaded before placing a lingering kiss on your forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> So this one shot is kind of special. I began to write it five months ago while I was going through rough time… I wrote it for myself, just to let out some of my emotions. I decided to share it with you because I thought that it could help some of you to feel better
> 
> Self hate and depression are real subject. My door is always open if you want to talk. You shouldn’t go through this alone. You’re worth it.
> 
> You can find me on my tumblr (there are more one shot and you can make requests)  
> http://lets-live-in-fiction.tumblr.com/


End file.
